At the age of 10, I was a witness to my parents' marriage ending. There was conflict, tension and arguments. They loved me and they were doing their best, they just didn't have the awareness or the tools to handle it any differently.

As a child, I could feel the emotional distance even though they were physically there. I didn't feel seen or heard. If you have children and you're in this now, they may be watching you the same way I watched my parents, and how you handle this will stay with them the way it's stayed with me.

I've since been through two long-term relationships ending myself. I know what it's like to be caught in the emotional spiral, while at the same time trying to suppress it all just to "get on with it." That approach didn't work. It spread into my work relationships. It spread into my relationships with family and friends. I know the shame of having to move back in with my father, starting over from nothing.

What actually helped, over time, was learning to allow the emotions to be there without getting swept up in them. Not stuffing them down. Not being ruled by them either. That's what allowed me to start making decisions from a clearer place, and things began to change. And I realized something else: that's exactly what my parents never had, not more love, not better intentions, just the ability to allow the emotion to be there without getting pulled under by it.

Learning to allow the emotions to be there without getting swept up in them is what allows you to make the legal, financial, and co-parenting decisions that are actually right for you and your kids.

I've been mentored in this work for five years, and I'm a Certified Self Love Coach specialising in breakup, separation and divorce recovery.